We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
