Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize