he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
