There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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