we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
