you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
