hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
smell my finger.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
