I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
