you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
