i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
