his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
