Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
