I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
