this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
