i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
