Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
