I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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