I think my fart just growled at me.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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