At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
