You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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