I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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