She said her name was "party"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
