he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
