I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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