thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
