I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
