Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
