This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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