Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
false alarm. still invincible.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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