If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
When did angry sex become our thing?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
