This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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