I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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