So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize