You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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