My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
