I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
