i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
