??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
