I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize