I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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