Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
