so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
