i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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