woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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