im about as happy as oj after his trial
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
