your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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