I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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