she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you will always have a special place in my vag
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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