sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
