yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
