Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
