You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
