Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize