she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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