Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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