im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
