If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
