suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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