i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
