Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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