you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
